Coleyfication 101: No judgement welcomed...

I've been struggling with what to write next so I began to think about how I felt while I was writing my first post, because it seemed to just pour out. Then I remembered something that was said to me, even though he thinks I don't listen to a word he says...(it was also the same person that said my life was insignificant). He said, "I know 'Coley' is your defense, but I see right through that". He is partially right, even though I hate to admit it, but there's more to it than that. Coleyfication has many different levels. In some ways it IS a defense, but most of the time I'm just being silly...with an occasional sarcastic flip of the "B*tch Switch" of course, but only when provoked. ;)


So then I thought for my second post, I would try to explain exactly what it means when I say, "Coleyfied"...But it's not something I can put in to words...more like, something you have to experience. Here's an example...

Once upon a time I had a friend that was coming over because she was sad and dealing with a intense situation that life had thrown her way.  So I put on a wig, a dress, a pair of black stiletto hooker boots, and turned on some disco music. When she walked in the door, this is what she saw standing at the top of the staircase...

She started laughing hysterically and said, "I knew I needed to come over here! You always know how to make me laugh and I REALLY needed it today!" Mission accomplished, however; this same pic was sent to someone that has also been recently thrown a few of life's curve balls and it could be what provoked the "nothing you will ever do will make a difference in the world" speech. I was merely trying to get a laugh but instead I got the wrath of a pissed off drunken Englishman.

I'm realizing more and more that some people just can't handle my personality and that's ok, not everyone gets ALL of me for that reason. Coleyfication is not for everyone...either you think I'm hilarious or think I'm some psycho chick from the south that is fluent in Ebonics and refers to herself in third person just to get attention. I don't really care anymore what people think. In my past, I was guilty of trying to be someone else to fit in, but I have to be true to myself; otherwise, I will end up a miserable ol' lady sitting in a bar, judging a karaoke contest (that I created in my head), and ranting about how off key each singer is and why they should just sit down

I know my family (and some friends) do not agree with how I live my life or the decisions I make, but I can't live for them...only God knows my heart. I've lived most of my life under judgement and refuse to let that effect my decisions any longer.   So I'll leave you with...

To Be, or Not to be...Coley

Last night I was told that my life was insignificant and nothing I ever did would make a difference in this world. So I ask myself...is this true? I would like to think that I DO make a difference, even on a small scale, but is this person right? What am I doing to really make a difference? So I decided to start this blog...small potatoes of course, but I have to start somewhere and build from it.

Most people that know me see "Coley", the fun, silly, crazy side but I find myself wondering, is that really all that people see? So, with that thought, I sit here and reflect because I know I am so much more. Yes, I do love to make people laugh, and usually can, but is the need to make people laugh coming from some underlying insecurity or lack of self confidence and is laughing such a bad thing? Sometimes people need a little laughter to brighten their day and if I can provide that why not?

So until I can figure out exactly what it is that I'm 'destined' for on earth, and since "Coley" is a part of who I am, that's exactly what you're gonna get!